Gunnar in the NICU

About an hour after I delivered Gunnar, I was wheeled back to the NICU to see my baby boy. The picture above was what I saw. I had such a mix of emotions when I saw him. I was soooo incredibly happy and thankful to see my living baby boy but I was also extremely sad and upset to see him that way, hooked up to a bajillion machines and definitely looking like he wasn't ready to come into this world yet. I mean, most full term babies don't arrive weighing four and a half pounds :-/ But, I loved him instantly. In fact, I'd loved him since before he was even conceived and he was absolutely perfect.

Obviously we weren't allowed to hold or really touch him that day. But, later that night we went back for a visit and met one of his amazing nurses, Peggy. She taught us a bit about how to care for Gunnar. We were so unprepared for the whole NICU experience that both Ramin and I had a tough time understanding how things worked at first. The first thing we learned, however, was that the nurses do "cares" every 3 hours. This is when they changed his diaper, cleaned his mouth a bit and fed him. If we were present for care time, we were able to take care of things (minus the feeding of course, since he had a feeding tube).

The first day on Gunnar was pretty rough. He still had some trouble breathing and he was obviously very tired. When we came to visit him though he had his eyes open. From the very start he LOVED his binkie and wanted to suck. We encouraged it because we knew his sucking ability needed to be developed if he was going to nurse. Ramin snapped some pictures of me offering him the binkie and holding his head in place to help him feel more secure.

The NICU folks made Gunnar a cute little name tag and put it on his isolette (incubator). We were pretty intimidated at first by all of the gear. Gunnar was in the D pod of theNICU - we later came to the conclusion that the D pod was where the more "serious" babies were held. This is what it looked like:

The room was bright with the window but it wasn't very private as we had to share the room with another little baby named LeeLoo (yes that was her real name) - she was a tiny thing, born much earlier than Gunnar was and her case was more serious it seemed to us.

On the second day while we were visiting the respiratory therapist on duty came to check on Gunnar and she determined he needed to have the CPAP machine to help him breathe rather than a regular oxygen cannula. So, we got to watch as she put it on him. It was sooooo sad seeing that huge piece of hardwear on him....but, we knew it would help him overall. This is him getting ready to have the CPAP put on.

That was also the day I got to hold him for the first time - hooked up to all of his attachments. I was so overjoyed that of course I cried holding my little baby.

He didn't need to be hooked up to the CPAP for very long (thank goodness) but he did still have to have oxygen and so the ram cannula was placed back in (it's the larger cannula). These are a few pictures while he was still in Pod D.

Gunnar's veins ended up failing a lot due to all of the IVs that he needed (for added nutrition) and so they decided to do an extended IV up his leg - it was a pretty intense procedure and we stayed to watch it....here is the nurse doing it. This was good for him because it meant his IV didn't need to be changed every day.

Ramin and I just loved this pose with his hand under his chin :)

GOAL!!

From that very first day I got to hold Gunnar, I continued to hold every single day for as long as I could. Our nurse, Julie, explained to use what Kangaroo Care was and I knew I had to do it as often as I could. Essentially, holding your baby (especially a preemie) skin-to-skin helps them to grow and form a strong bond. I went from holding him on my chest for a 1/2 hour up to 2 hours straight. There were days when it was hard for me to sit in the chair for so long but Gunnar loved sleeping on my chest and I know it really helped him grow and progress.

Even though he was still so small and in the developmental stage where he couldn't interact too well, Ramin and I managed to feel like he was interacting with us. We captured a few of his faces that really showed us he knew who we were.

After about a week in Pod D, Gunnar was moved to Pod A. We now got a private room and things were a lot more calm for him. I liked how I was able to control the lighting in this room and when I was there with him (at least 8 hours per day) I felt like we had a sense of privacy. During those first few days he still had a bit of jaundice so he remained under the lights for a bit. Look at all of that cute hair on his shoulder and arm!

After just a few days in this room, Gunnar graduated to a crib because he was able to maintain his body temperature without the isolette.

During the last 2 weeks in the NICU we worked on nursing because Gunnar's final test to graduate would be to take all feedings by mouth. The orange tube in the picture below is his feeding tube. It started out in his mouth but then they fed it through his nose. At first I practiced nursing him for just a few minutes at a time and he would then get all of his food through the tube. Everything they fed to him was my milk that I had been pumping from the day I gave birth.

We also practiced changing him and swaddling him and just comforting him as much as we could. He sure did love his binkie!

We tried taking him off of oxygen completely a few times, but his O2 saturation would dip every time. It was OK though because we knew he could come home with oxygen if he needed to. We did not miss the opportunity to take a picture of him without his cannula though!

He just loved Kangaroo time! The lighting is bad but I loved the way he rested his head on his arm.

Grandma DeLong also held him for the first time in the NICU - although she was so scared to break him that she only held him for a few minutes!

So happy and content and Dad's arms.

Nurse Patty helped me give Gunnar his first swaddle bath. He did such a great job the entire time. He loved the warm water and didn't cry once!

We loved Nurse Patty and she left some cute messages for me. She fed Gunnar his first bottle!

Two nights before we were able to take Gunnar home, Ramin and I "roomed in" at the hospital. We were able to wheel the crib into a hotel type room adjacent to the NICU and spend the night caring for Gunnar on our own (with help from the nurses if we needed it).  Let's just say that the night was ROUGH. Neither Ramin or I were able to get any sleep and we got frustrated with the oxygen monitor. But, Nurse Patty rescued us after about 6 hours and we got a few hours of sleep. It was definitely a good learning lesson about what we could expect at home.

Gunnar also had to pass the car seat test. He had to sit in his car seat for 90 minutes hooked to his oxygen set to the level we would be taking him home at and if he didn't de-saturate, he would pass. And he DID pass!

And finally, on Thursday, April 3rd (Gunnar's 3-week birthday) we were able to take our sweet baby home!

Ready to leave the NICU!

Arrived at home!

Overall the NICU experience was trying for both Ramin and me. It was a LOT of driving back and forth - about 2 hours per day as it took 30 minutes to get from our house to the hospital. I also didn't get much sleep since I was pumping a lot of breastmilk. Speaking of which, things started out slow of course....I would get just a few drops and have to save them in this tiny syringe:

And then by the time we brought him home I'd stockpiled quite a large supply of frozen milk. I was pumping almost 8ozs at a time.

In a way I'm extremely thankful we had to go through the NICU experience because it allowed Ramin and I some time to acclimate to having a baby without having to care for him ourselves 24/7. However, it was also stressful at times that we couldn't do things we wanted to all of the time. We were so grateful for all of the nurses and doctors that helped care for Gunnar, but of course we were extremely anxious and excited to take him home and learn to care for him on our own.

Gunnar's Birth Story

The morning of March 10th stated out as any normal Monday in my mind. I got ready for work in the usual way and prepared myself for the day ahead. The only thing different about the day was the fact that  Ramin and I would be going to the Utah Jazz vs. Atlanta Hawks game later that night. I dressed in my Hawks gear so I'd be ready to go right after work.

After I had my breakfast I put on my shoes - some new white Sketchers my mom had given me - they required me to bend over my bulging belly to tie them, but I did tie them myself ;)  After that I immediately got up from the couch and started to change the water for the birds. As I was filling up the water dish at the kitchen sink I felt a gush - down there! I had no control of it and I thought to myself "I can't possibly be peeing my pants can I?"

I hustled to the bathroom and decided to see what had just happened. I knew enough about water breaking that it would be clear and fairly easily to distinguish from urine. I looked in the toilet and was convinced my water had broken. With my pants still down I walk the few feet back into the bedroom and walk Ramin up and told him my water broke. Being the skeptical guy that he is, he Googled how to determine if it was indeed my water and what we needed to do. After sniffing my undies (gross I know) and realizing that they did not smell like pee, now BOTH of us were convinced that my water had broken.

By this time it was almost 8am and I knew my midwives office didn't open unil 8:30. After some haggling about what to do, we headed to the hospital because we knew we'd arrive just as the office was opening.  During the drive I did not feel any more water flowing, but the moment I got out of the car and started walking inside the building, I felt some more minor gushes. I tried to remain calm.

As we got closer to the actual office, I informed Ramin I HAD to go to the restroom to check things out and I needed him to go to the reception desk and explain the situation. When I got into the stall I saw a nice mucousy glob tinged with red when I wiped....I started freaking out at that point because I was then convinced my mucous plug was starting to come out. I began to cry because I was scared and knew that the inevtiable was coming. But, I quickly pulled myself together and headed to the reception desk.

The midwife on duty did a typical check to see what she could find. She took a sample to be sent to the lab and she took a sample for herself to examine under the microscope. I knew from my books that if my water had broken that she would see a ferning pattern under the microscope - she said she didn't see it and she wasn't convinced my water had broken. Ramin and I knew better. I knew that any sort of discharge like this was abnormal for me - heck, since I'd been pregnant I'd seen NOTHING on my undies for months (thank goodness!).

Regardless of those details, however, the midwife sent us home and told us to wait 3 hours for the test results. She said she'd call and if the result was positive we were to come back to the hospital and head straight to Labor and Delivery.  Once we got home I tried to relax and remain calm - by this time I'd messaged into work to let them know of the situation.  As I watched the season finale of Downton Abbey, I found myself leaking more and more. At one point I laughed during a funny part and leaked so much I had to go and change my underwear and pants. I ended up doing that 3 times during those 3 hours.

By Noon I still hadn't heard back from the midwife and I decided to check online to see if the test results showed up there....they did....and they said POSITIVE. I felt another gush at that point and headed to the bathroom, where I again broke down crying and freaking out. But, for some reason it was short lived and I pulled myself together again. I called for Ramin and told him we had to go. Both of us were fairly calm.  We'd discussed on the way home from the morning visit that things are the way they are and that we can't do anything to change them. Getting upset wouldn't help anything and in fact, would probably make it worse. So both of us had a pretty clear head about the situation and we were very matter-of-fact, a mindset I've learned to embrace since being with Ramin.

Back to the hospital (Intermountain Medical Center) we went and we were promptly admitted. We had the high-risk doctor on duty come and examine me (Dr. Jenkins) and she confirmed once again that my water had broken and she was the FIRST doctor/midwife to actually believe me about my original due date of May 5th (she understood my charts!). She explained that because I was 32 weeks pregnant, our goal at this point would be to keep the baby inside until 34 weeks - this was the optimal time for taking the baby after water has broken. But, because the water did break, they were extremely worried about infection. Essentially, we had 3 potential outcomes at this point:

• Try to make it to 34 weeks without an infection, at which point they'd induce and take the baby
• See if labor started on it's own - which apparently happens in most instances - and we would not stop the labor just to keep baby inside until 34 weeks
• See if infection sets it and if it did, baby would be taken right away

I was wheeled into my own laboring room where I was given some intense antibiotics to stave off infection of course. And I was also given steroid injections to beef up Gunnar's lungs in case labor did set in immediately. By this time Ramin had called my mom and she met us in our room. Here we all are on that first day in L&D.

I wasn't having any pain at this point, I was just tired.

Notice Ramin's Hawks jersey ;)

Mom was anxious the entire time she was there.

During the day Dr. Esplin came to visit me, along with Dr. Jenkins, to explain all of the potential outcomes to us. We were really hoping baby would stay in for 2 more weeks. He also explained that if that did happen, I'd have to stay at the hospital for that whole time on bed rest. By now I'd realized that my time working was over and I let my boss know the situation - everyone at work was very supportive and concerned.

I ended up staying the night in that labor room so they could monitor me and the baby - I had monitors hooked to my belly so they could monitor the baby's heart rate. I started out having some light contractions (I didn't even know they were happening) and by later that night I really started to feel them. The nurses and doctor were all convinced I'd have the baby on Tuesday (Ramin's birthday).  But, by Tuesday afternoon everything had subsided and everyone thought I was not in labor and I was sent upstairs to the maternity ward to be cared for until one of the outcomes became apparent. 

Tuesday night was a bit rough as I had a few hours of contractions but they weren't as bad as Monday night. All of Wednesday was OK. My Mom and Ramin took turns watching over me. During the time between Monday and Wednesday I'd had Chris and Tara visit me, as well as my friends Jenn and Marci. 

Wednesday night turned into another story. Around 12:30am early Thursday I started to contract pretty intensely. I suffered through 2 hours of contractions before the night shift Dr. (the one who'd seen me the previous 2 nights) came to check me. During the whole ordeal I had to have "speculum inspections". Everything had to be completely sterile because of the risk of infection to me....so I didn't get just the normal checks for dilation (yay me) and the speculum checks were pretty painful to be honest. 

Anyway, around 2:30am the doctor came to check me and her exacts words were "Well, you're at a 2 and I can see hair so I'm sending you back downstairs". At that point I was kinda pissed because here I'd gone through 3 days of on-and-off labor only to be dilated to a 2!! But, I was surprised and happy to hear the baby was low enough to be showing some hair!

So back downstairs I went. Not to the same room, but to one that looked pretty much the same. Here's a shot of the room:

By 6am Thursday morning I was having some serious contractions and was pretty miserable. I'd always said I wanted to try having a natural delivery but that's also when I thought I wouldn't have to be in the hospital hooked to machines for 3 days straight. A true natural experience would allow you to get up and walk around to alleviate the pain, I couldn't do any of that for various reasons. I couldn't do it because I had to be hooked to all of the machines of course AND I couldn't do it because they didn't want me walking around having gravity pull the baby down further, just in case I was experiencing false labor. With all of that in mind, and the fact that I was in terrible pain and couldn't get relief, I broke down and asked for an epidural. 

A little while later I got my wish. Let me just tell you....all of the fears I'd previously had regarding it have faded away. I purposely did NOT look at any of the equipment for the procedure, in fact, I didn't even look at the anesthesiologist until after it was all over with. Let me say one thing about the epidural - it was probably one of the easiest procedures to deal with during my entire ordeal - no joke! I hardly felt a thing, the doctor was amazing!  AND, best part of all - it WORKED!

Everyone always says that their entire lower half goes completely numb and they couldn't feel a thing...well my experience was not that. I could feel everything and I still had control of my legs (for the most part), but I felt no pain. I still felt my contractions and I could feel when things were being done to me, but I didn't feel the sensations associated with them. It's like I had the perfect dose of medicine in the epidural. It was glorious!

We got through the morning and I tried to rest and sleep as best as I could. I was in such a good mood at that point albeit a bit loopy. I had such pain relief that I asked my mom to take some pictures to ensure we documented the experience.

Twice during the day I received 2 flower deliveries, both from my sweet co-workers. It was truly a nice surprise during an emotional day. Chris, Tara and Marci had also brought me flowers throughout my time in the maternity ward.

I had Ramin take a shot of the infamous monitor. Ramin and my Mom got very familiar with this screen as it showed the baby's heart rate and contractions. The red line is the heart rate, the blue line is the contractions. I actually never really looked at this screen during most of my labor because it was always behind my head a bit....but it was comforting knowing it was there to keep track of baby's heart beat. His heartbeat never really strayed too low or too high, which meant he never really got stressed - good thing because if he did we may have ended up with a C-section.

Throughout all of the waiting I realized that I'd never gotten to write my 31-week blog post. I'd planned to do it that Monday night, but I never had the chance. And here I was on week 32 - already a week behind in my blogging. So, I had Ramin bring the stickers for me when he made a trip home and I had him take a picture of me being 32 weeks pregnant.  The thing that has gotten to me the most about this entire ordeal is the fact that I delivered baby boy two months early. In a way I feel a bit jipped that I didn't get to experience pregnancy all the way through. I'd worked so hard to finally get pregnant that I was just relishing the entire experience...and it was such a good pregnancy too. I cried a few times because I was sad the baby was no longer inside.

Finally, around 2pm on Thursday I really felt the urge to push. The nurse came in to check me and said I was 10cm dilated. She told me to wait until I REALLY felt the need to push before they'd roll me back to the operating room. I couldn't deliver Gunnar in the normal labor room because they knew he'd have to go to the NICU right away (being 2 months early) and the operating rooms have direct windows to the NICU. So, around 2:30 I finally said I was really ready and they wheeled me on back. I had two high risk doctors ready to help deliver Gunnar: Dr. Pearson and Dr. Esplin. Both of them were awesome. I also had a few nurses and CNAs there as well. Ramin captured everything on video and snapped a few pictures along the way.

I only had to push for 20 minutes - maybe a total of 10-15 pushes - and Gunnar was out. I also held my own legs up too :) I was able to feel everything, minus any pain. I felt the moment Gunnar's head squeezed out and the rest of his body. I also felt the placenta deliver 5 minutes later. Ramin was given the opportunity to cut the cord before Gunnar was whisked away through the window. And THAT is how baby Gunnar Greyson Gilbert came into this world.