After my last post I did some more research of course and came across this chart numerous times online:
According this chart, I am definitely OK! It seems to me that by my next blood draw I should be near the 100 mark to be near the average range. Right now at 15DPO and a number of 51, I'm not that far off from the average of 59.
My favorite movie is The Fountain. I mostly love it for it's soundtrack, which I actually heard and loved BEFORE I ever watched the movie. I'd say the vast majority of people who've seen the movie don't understand it, and to me, that's the point. It's very complex and is left up to your own interpretation - which is why I love it.
And this song - Tree of Life - is my second favorite song on the soundtrack. I always tear up when I listen to any song on this soundtrack. And today I need some reassurance and hope.
The results of my 3rd beta HCG came back today. It was 51. That's not great at all. In fact, it's not even doubled since I had my first test on Friday when it was 27. I know it's still EXTREMELY early to stress at this point, but I can't help but feel a bit worried. I am only 16DPO today.
However, this song and this soundtrack is exactly what I need today. It just helps to reinforce the fact that everything does really happen for a reason. And I honestly have no control over the outcome at this point. The entire movie is all about life and death and being accepting of both.
As I'm sitting here writing this out my actual favorite song came on my player - Death is the Road to Awe. It's helping me cope with the possibility that things may not work out. I realize that I need to think positively but I also want to realistic. This music really just helps me feel at peace and understand that everything happens for a reason. I wonder if this music has the same effect on other people as it does me.
I'm hopeful that things will turn out how they are meant to. And I know I'll be glad for it in the long run.
It's here. Finally. I could say that I've waited 18 months to get to this point, but honestly, it's been longer than that. I'm finally pregnant and I truly feel like all of my hard work and patience has finally paid off. I have A LOT I want to document as I experience the next 8 months, and hopefully I'll have the energy to do it.
Some ideas I have in my head are:
Patience is a Virtue: My journey towards this moment
Finding Out: My recollection of the night we found out we were pregnant
Telling Loved Ones: Memories of the fun surprises we had in store
Hopes and Wishes: What I'm hoping for my child
Fears and Solutions: The things I worry about most and how I try to think positively
My Birth Plan: My ideal plan, and how I'll cope when things don't go my way
Those are just a few of the blog posts I have planned. I hope to turn this blog into a physical book one day so that I can reflect on this special time. I plan to do the same for my Trying to Conceive (TTC) Blog because now it's a thing of the past, although it feels all too close to me still.
Throughout all of it I plan to post pictures and current stats of the day or week. These are my cherished memories and I must be diligent at posting my thoughts and feelings. For now this blog will remain private for the few close family and friends who already know. I'll open it up to everyone else once we announce the pregnancy to more people.
So let's begin!
How far along: 4 weeks exactly! Wow, it's weird to think about it like that.
Total Weight Gain/Loss: I've been monitoring my weight over the past 2 months as I recently lost 10 lbs. Since finding out we were pregnant only 5 days ago, I can say I've maintained.
Maternity clothes: Definitely not yet. Stretch marks: This is silly :P Sleep: Actually, the past two nights have been bad sleeping-wise. Last night I woke up at 4:30am as Ramin was climbing in to bed. I laid there for about 45 minutes before realizing I wasn't falling back alseep. So I got up, got ready for work and was there by 7am. At least I could leave early. Best moment last week: Seeing that very faint second pink line! Movement: The only movement I've felt so far is my uterus stretching. Just feels like cramps now and again. Food cravings: Actually, I have been wanting soft breads lately...especially flat bread. I warm up one in the microwave and eat it plain - it's so light and airy - LOVE IT! Sex: Won't find this out for a while. Oh and BTW, a pet peeve of mine is when people call it the "gender" - wrong use of the word people! Belly button - in or out? Oh geeze I hope it stays in! Labor signs: Not yet What I miss: Nothing yet really. Haven't had to give up anything. What I am looking forward to: My next blood draw tomorrow afternoon so that I can see if my beta HCG levels have doubled. However, I AM NOT looking forward to having more needles shoved in my arms/hands. Milestones: Seeing those HCG levels double!
