Tree of Life

My favorite movie is The Fountain. I mostly love it for it's soundtrack, which I actually heard and loved BEFORE I ever watched the movie. I'd say the vast majority of people who've seen the movie don't understand it, and to me, that's the point. It's very complex and is left up to your own interpretation - which is why I love it.

And this song - Tree of Life - is my second favorite song on the soundtrack. I always tear up when I listen to any song on this soundtrack. And today I need some reassurance and hope.

The results of my 3rd beta HCG came back today. It was 51. That's not great at all. In fact, it's not even doubled since I had my first test on Friday when it was 27. I know it's still EXTREMELY early to stress at this point, but I can't help but feel a bit worried. I am only 16DPO today.

However, this song and this soundtrack is exactly what I need today. It just helps to reinforce the fact that everything does really happen for a reason. And I honestly have no control over the outcome at this point. The entire movie is all about life and death and being accepting of both.

As I'm sitting here writing this out my actual favorite song came on my player - Death is the Road to Awe. It's helping me cope with the possibility that things may not work out. I realize that I need to think positively but I also want to realistic. This music really just helps me feel at peace and understand that everything happens for a reason. I wonder if this music has the same effect on other people as it does me.

I'm hopeful that things will turn out how they are meant to. And I know I'll be glad for it in the long run.